Who Needs Broadway?

Forget high-priced Broadway play tickets; the best theater today is as close as your local town hall. At least it is in Brookhaven.

All the elements are present: a great cast (in many cases actually chosen by the audience!); important issues; unmatched dialogue; it’s “live,” it’s now, it’s big bucks; there are heroes and villains, innocent bystanders and collateral damage, (as they say in the military), narrators and even a Greek chorus of sorts; people’s lives and livelihoods are up for grabs; it’s replete with pathos, humor, bathos and drama; and the ending is always a surprise. Finally -- the “book” (as they call it on Broadway) -- well, as the cliché goes, “ya couldn’t make this stuff up.”

The best part: you never know when a Tony-award-winning performance is going to pop up.

Take Tuesday, 6/17’s Brookhaven Town Board meeting.

The Playbill (the agenda with the list of Resolutions/Decisions/Public Hearings) didn’t have anything in it that would have suggested a moment of sublime delight. Attendance was sparse – even two of the most devoted civic folks bailed half-way though the performance.

There was a bravura turn taken on-stage by two of the regular cast, they performed admirably, as was expected, revealing, fact by fact, the Town would save about a half-million dollars by installing GPS in town vehicles. Two other folks, who don’t share the enthusiasm for GPS our heroines do, delivered their lines well, as they are paid to do, but the script wasn’t quite right. Fortunately for them, last night was the Town version of a New Haven or Baltimore out-of-town tryout….there’s two weeks to revise and rehearse for the real show on July 1.

For the next hour or two it was business as usual. Millions of dollars were on the line; people’s lives, fortunes, and well-being were at stake; seemingly little decisions and quick votes that really have major impacts on many people were taken.

So on and on it droned -- of interest to no one but the people who actually live in town and care about a new local park, a zoning change for an auto-body repair shop in the middle of a residential neighborhood, or $500,000 worth of town money being spent on streets, sidewalks, and bike lanes. (It only matters if they are your streets, sidewalks, or bike lanes.)

And then it happened. A magic theater moment. Unexpected. Unrehearsed. Unbelievable.

The scene: a beer permit for the August balloon festival at Calabro Airport. No drama there, right? It would be the same as last year. The festival is a big deal. Tens of thousands of people attended, lots of fun had by all, and a bunch of beer served in a “bier garten” and a hospitality tent.

Last year the Town Board voted to okay a special license for beer sales. Pro forma. This year, an instant replay, right? “Allinfavorsay‘Aye,’allopposedno,the Ayeshaveit,motionpassed, moving right along, right?

Hmmm…..maybe not so right. It started slow with one councilman pondering aloud if the town allows other liquor sales on town ground. Yes, sort of, was the reply. Mostly small-scale wine tastings at the Bald Hill art gallery. All raised pinkies, blush wine, and la-di-dah.

Another representative questioned what would happen if someone got hurt or killed via a DWI afterwards. “We’re insured,” said Keith Romanie, in whose district the festival takes place. Hmmmm…the show’s getting better. That wasn’t the right answer. Not much more debate. A little clarifying by another cast regular (who was a main player in last year’s festival). All polite and right on script.

There was a bit of a puzzle why this was on the agenda in the first place. It was a near “walk-on” – a last minute addition to the agenda, it hadn’t be on the regular work-session agenda the previously Thursday; but that didn’t seem like a big deal.

Now the drama: time to vote. No! No! No! No! from council districts 1, 2, 3 & 4.

Whoa! Now it’s getting really interesting. That NEVER happens. Folks in the know started moving to the edge of their seats. What next?

Yes from district 5 and then, drum roll please, new facts on the issue from district 6.

WHAT! Someone got the script backwards!! Did a page fall out? Was someone asleep when they should have been rehearsing?

New facts are being introduced by Mr. Romaine AFTER the voting begins:
-Two town fraternal groups will loose $10,000 each they would have made selling beer.
-The contract calls for it (sorta).
-You voted for it last year.
-Bluster, sputter…but, but, but.

NOW YOU TELL US!!!! gasps a councilperson. (Financial damage to a constituent group is a no-no of the first magnitude. An elected NEVER does that). But it’s too late….on the record for probity and against drunken debauchery….no way to take that vote back.

The last two votes: a Yes and a No.
Motion Defeated….5 – 2. Next resolution please.

Now…watch closely. Savor it. Revel in it. Pure theater, pure award-winning drama and keystone kop klassic slapstick is about to play out on the horseshoe (the podium where the town board sits). Drama like this usually cost $125 a ticket (and that ain’t front row!):

Mr. Romaine gathering his papers. A red face. An incredulous look. Anger. Frustration. Defeat.

He rises.

He turns.

He leaves.

“If I can’t get my way, I ain’t gonna play,” sings the Greek chorus. (If there was a Greek chorus to sing, that’s what they’d sing.)

Open mouths all around. Heads begin to swivel. Did I really just see what I think I just saw? Tittering begins but is quickly muffled. Damn, do you believe that?

The meeting drones on. Votes are taken. One decision can’t be voted on as the sponsor seems to have left the room before the meeting has been gaveled to a close. Okay, hold it over to July 1.

The meeting ends, the buzz rises. The curtain falls.

All is silence.